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| Final Editing | Rating: 
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 08:56 am |
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261st Post |
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Joe Kelley Administrator
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Questions in editing?
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 04:00 pm |
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262nd Post |
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bear Guest
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JOE, Yes, could you please look back at page 13 of this string and the questions I have are addressed to you with your name, Joe, and are in bold. There are a couple of them. Thanks! (I also talked to you on page 12, called you Joe, but didn't put it in bold. It was not a question though, it was a comment.) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hUy9ePyo6Q is deafening, and I can hardly stand it. OK I am back to bookwork for some time this afternoon. I have spent the morning in the yard and it was wonderful! I love flowers and spring in Missouri is nice. We have 4 distinct seasons here. Winter is hard on me though. I suffer emotionally. I think it is a lack of light. I hate the cold and I don't want to go outside AT ALL. Texas was Summer and Winter (Spring and Fall only lasted a week or two and winter was mild - rarely below freezing). I should name my Diary: Joe. I don't have a diary though. Thank you for your upcoming help. ...
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 04:46 pm |
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263rd Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 61 It is exactly what Caesar says it is today and it can be exactly what Caesar says it is tomorrow, and tomorrow it might be opposite what it is today. added comma and of: It is exactly what Caesar says it is today, and it can be exactly what Caesar says it is tomorrow, and tomorrow it might be opposite of what it is today.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 05:01 pm |
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264th Post |
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Joe Kelley Administrator
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My opinion:I am thinking if you meant either 1 or 2 that I should move the word deliberately to the appropriate spot. If however, your intent was number 3 we could leave deliberately where it is at the end of the sentence, but folks may or may not pick up on the intention. If there is a case where the writer prefers that the reader is beset with work to do in order to understand the writing, then this is that case. I prefer that the reader be left with some work to do, so my opinion is to leave it as written in this case. In this case I don't think that the reader is beset with too much work to do while reading. A victim of this big lie, this Dollar Hegemony, the new Caesar, with "that which is Caesar's," moves power inequitably from the victims to the criminals. That is an obvious improvement in communicating the intended message, thanks. Progress toward war is carefully monitored, well documented, FACT. I tried to say: Progress toward war is carefully monitored, accurately measured, meticulously documented, and factual. The second sentence is the most accurate improvement of the message intended. If that exchange, documented fact, could be known precisely, exactly, each step of the way. If such an understanding, precise, accurate knowledge, the entire transaction, could be accountable as an inequitable transaction whereby Person A "made a killing" at the expense of another person living in China (perhaps a person his same age, a person who for now is on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick): there is accurate judgment in that case. How about this: If that specific exchange could be known precisely as a documented fact, exactly each step of the way, completely understood from every conceivable angle, including Person A having "made a killing" at the expense of another person in China, then is there accurate judgment in that case, and could that case be measured as an equitable transaction, or is it by that measure another case of iniquity? The Chinese labor force is (temporarily) on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick. National Interest anyone? bear, My wife stumbled upon a book during some cleaning, where the book was written by my friend's father who was a veteran of World War II, and if you think it is worth publishing that book, with some edit work on your part, then on your say so I will try to reconnect with my friend and ask for permission to move that book into the current stream. I saw the pile of papers and considered the viability of turning that pile of papers into a book for sale, proceeds, if any, going to the publisher and the writers son, so I'm asking my favorite publisher if she is interested in more work that may not pay well.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 05:18 pm |
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265th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 61 Words spoken during well-earned good life, not necessarily a challenge of principles, and far from judgment day at the end of a human life in living form, sure, I get that. But we two are hunting dragons, and so for my part I am working an angle that has to do with false connections from which we all might want to disconnect, if we can figure out ways to do so without harming anyone. modified and punctuated for readability: Not necessarily a challenge of principles and far from judgment day at the end of a human life in living form, but words spoken during a well-earned, good life. Sure, I get that. But we two are hunting dragons, and so for my part, I am working an angle that has to do with false connections from which we all might want to disconnect, if we can figure out ways to do so without harming anyone.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 05:47 pm |
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266th Post |
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bear Guest
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Joe OK, will leave as is: If there is a case where the writer prefers that the reader is beset with work to do in order to understand the writing, then this is that case. I prefer that the reader be left with some work to do, so my opinion is to leave it as written in this case. ----------------------------------------- I might like this sentence that you have created to replace the sentence we are discussing, what do you think? I tried to say: Progress toward war is carefully monitored, accurately measured, meticulously documented, and factual. in stead of: Progress toward war is carefully monitored, a well documented FACT. --------------------------------- On this new sentence you have written, I had been working while you were working and am not sure if you saw what I had finished with. Old sentence: If that exchange, documented fact, could be known precisely, exactly, each step of the way. If such an understanding, precise, accurate knowledge, the entire transaction, could be accountable as an inequitable transaction whereby Person A "made a killing" at the expense of another person living in China (perhaps a person his same age, a person who for now is on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick): there is accurate judgment in that case. Your new sentence: If that specific exchange could be known precisely as a documented fact, exactly each step of the way, completely understood from every conceivable angle, including Person A having "made a killing" at the expense of another person in China, then is there accurate judgment in that case, and could that case be measured as an equitable transaction, or is it by that measure another case of iniquity? The Chinese labor force is (temporarily) on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick. National Interest anyone? and this is what I had come up with before seeing your new sentence: If that exchange, that documented fact, could be known precisely, exactly, each step of the way; if such an understanding (precise, accurate knowledge, the entire transaction) could be accountable as an inequitable transaction whereby Person A "made a killing" at the expense of another person living in China (perhaps a person the same age, a person who for now is on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick); then there is accurate judgment in that case. So, let me know what you like better and I will incorporate accordingly ----------------------------------- bear, Yes, I'd be happy to work with you on this effort. Pay or no pay, and I'd certainly want you to be paid as you are...the middle man...but will also be doing the actual work with the printer, right? Do you need help typing the pages? I will count on you to help me with priorities.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:01 pm |
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267th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 61 And if the loop closes, if the lie infects the individual, the dragon is inside, the Trojan horse is inside, and almost all hope may be lost at that point because the individual may have to depend upon something outside for help in defeating that dragon, exposing the closed loop, and returning POWER to know better back to the individual. broke into 2 sentences and added the word "then" and removed the word "And": And if the loop closes, if the lie infects the individual, then the dragon is inside, the Trojan horse is inside. Almost all hope may be lost at that point because the individual may have to depend upon something outside for help in defeating that dragon, exposing the closed loop, and returning POWER to know better back to the individual.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:03 pm |
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268th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 61 The capacity for self-doubt may be a required power, if the idea is to have the capacity to know better? removed comma: The capacity for self-doubt may be a required power if the idea is to have the capacity to know better?
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:04 pm |
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269th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 61 So there has to be a balance between self-doubt, and determined effort. removed comma: So there has to be a balance between self-doubt and determined effort.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:07 pm |
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270th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 62 What about the power of lies: who is responsible? Made into 2 sentences: What about the power of lies? Who is responsible?
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:28 pm |
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271st Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 62 The believer in the lie (not the liar, since the liar knows it is a lie) is responsible for whatever the "true believer" in the lie does as an individual. No different than a wild animal, lacking human reason, human conscience, human moral judgment, or "Common Sense.” So not coincidentally, much human effort including human spirituality is focused on accurate identification of facts so as to avoid injury by falsehood. Well, I decided to join one the middle sentence back with the 1st sentence like you originally wrote it. Removed the comma between animal and lacking. Added back commas off-setting "including human spirit" like you originally wrote it: The believer in the lie (not the liar, since the liar knows it is a lie) is responsible for whatever the "true believer" in the lie does as an individual, no different than a wild animal lacking human reason, human conscience, human moral judgment, or "Common Sense.” So not coincidentally, much human effort, including human spirituality, is focused on accurate identification of facts so as to avoid injury by falsehood.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:33 pm |
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272nd Post |
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bear Guest
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JOE, I am wondering if the end date of 2012 looks OK to you. I am asking because it is now 2013. What happens when someone reads this book in 2020 and nothing has changed? Anyways, just a thought that ran thru my mind that I though I would run thru yours  6/19/13 page 62 U.S.A. Inc. (LLC) (1788 to 2012) added comma: U.S.A., Inc. (LLC) (1788 to 2012)
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:37 pm |
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273rd Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 62 and through my Product 1 and Product 2 illustration my intention is to communicate my current understanding of banking mortgages. added comma between illustration and my: and through my Product 1 and Product 2 illustration, my intention is to communicate my current understanding of banking mortgages.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:42 pm |
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274th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 62/63 That is the point of the challenge being offered to you, where you play the part of a customer, and then you play the part of a saleswoman, in a play acting, text version, of a Product 1 and Product 2 sale event at a new Legal Bank where equitablists have taken over America. changed punctuation: That is the point of the challenge being offered to you: where you play the part of a customer, and then you play the part of a saleswoman in a play acting, text version of a Product 1 and Product 2 sale event at a new Legal Bank where equitablists have taken over America.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:48 pm |
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275th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 63 If you have not read one of my sales pitch illustrations then you can read the one started in this thread between a fictitious John the customer, and Jane the salesperson. Added comma between illustrations and then. Removed word "a" and removed comma between customer & and: If you have not read one of my sales pitch illustrations, then you can read the one started in this thread between fictitious John the customer and Jane the salesperson.
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| Posted: Wed Jun 19th, 2013 11:54 pm |
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276th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/19/13 page 63 The idea is to covey what I have learned up to this date, and to do so intact without any miscommunication. And the idea further involves a promise of improvement as my own limited perspective can be sharpened by competitive, side-by-side, comparison with your perspective, as you play act either side in the Chess Match constructed in that way, where two people work out a banking transaction at a Legal Equitablist Bank. Changed covey to convey. changed punctuation and removed the word "and" at the beginning of 2nd sentence. The idea is to convey what I have learned up to this date and to do so intact without any miscommunication. The idea further involves a promise of improvement as my own limited perspective can be sharpened by competitive, side-by-side comparison with your perspective as you play act either side in the Chess Match constructed in that way where two people work out a banking transaction at a Legal Equitablist Bank.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 11:15 am |
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277th Post |
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Joe Kelley Administrator
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bear,I might like this sentence that you have created to replace the sentence we are discussing, what do you think? Agreed on the change. So, let me know what you like better and I will incorporate accordingly The sentence you invented flows very well so it is easier to read and therefore better by that measure, in my opinion, so use your sentence please. Yes, I'd be happy to work with you on this effort. Pay or no pay, and I'd certainly want you to be paid as you are...the middle man...but will also be doing the actual work with the printer, right? Do you need help typing the pages? OK, I have lost touch with Dan Slockett who is the son of the author, so I have to find him and ask him first. The book is an important, honest, account of what happened when thousands of airplanes full of bombs were sent over Germany to destroy so much, for reasons that were as false as any reason ever told for war. Those who fight the wars pay the costs, while those who lie do so for obvious reasons. Dan's dad was a tail gunner in a B-17 bomber. The odds of survival for those people in those planes were low, not as low as the people who have those bombs falling on their heads, but the point of the book is honest records of what a human being thinks and feels in such times and places. If no one ever hears the words spoken by the survivors then the option to listen to those words is no longer an option. JOE, I am wondering if the end date of 2012 looks OK to you. I think it is OK to leave it as it is, and it is just as OK to change it to 2013, or there may be another option such as the "the present" or some such open ended date. What do you think about "the present," or words of similar meaning?
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| Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 03:53 pm |
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278th Post |
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bear Guest
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Joe, What do you think about "the present," or words of similar meaning? I thought about that word too. But what if someone is reading this book and things are no longer as they are today or were in 1788? What if someone is reading this book and it is a time of equity? I think that is what bothered me. To say 1799 to 2012, 2013, or to present could all be wrong in their own way. We don't know what the future holds, but we know that things have not changed so far. I think what I am trying to say is: Would it give the reader a false hope if they see the date 2012 (or 2013, etc.) and they say, well this is 2020, so I am OK (when the facts may be that things are as they were in 2012). Or if they read the words to present, and things are no longer as they are, then that statement wouldn't be true. Do you see what I am saying? Or is this a case of a perfectionist getting "wrapped around the axel"? ------------------- The book sounds very interesting. I hope you are able to contact the son. It is wonderful that you have his father's words documented. That WWII generation is about gone. It is strange to me to see Vietnam guys with grey heads...they should be young as I remembered them.
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| Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 04:03 pm |
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279th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/20/13 page 63 "So Joe, the way I am seeing this is that you have been handing me puzzle pieces and I am finally able to identify them and put some together, but somehow, there is a foundation that I fail to apply those pieces upon…like competition...and more recently holding "things" responsible. I think I even wrote about competition in my gushing thank you. But somehow I have all of these truths; but am not using them together." modified punctuation/words for readability: "So Joe, the way I am seeing this is that you have been handing me puzzle pieces, and I am finally able to identify them and put some together. But somehow, there is a foundation that I fail to apply those pieces upon…like competition...and more recently holding "things" responsible. I think I even wrote about competition in my gushing thank you. Somehow I have all of these truths, but am not using them together."
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| Posted: Thu Jun 20th, 2013 04:15 pm |
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280th Post |
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bear Guest
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6/20/13 page 63 OK, my view on that: well, life is short, and you can't expect to make short cuts, and you are not a teenager with teenager capacity to learn new things, and life is short, and you have responsibilities of parenting. Very high priority stuff, so forget about reaching ahead too far all at once. And in my opinion, you can step back, see how the new keys work, apply the Boyd strategy to many things; Observe, Orient, Decide, and Act, and digest, and process, and above all it seems to me, maintain that balance, that "pursuit of happiness" in this "animated contest of freedom" while it exists as it exists. And to me, what you will find is improvement because you find ways to improve, and you no longer settle for less. Even if external things are overwhelming, at the very least, you find how to slow down the injury which is a relative improvement. And YOU control that which is in your power to control because you are now, at least, taking on those responsibilities; those responses that you are able to act out in fact. modified punctuation for readability and emphasis. OK, my view on that: Well, life is short, and you can't expect to make short cuts, and you are not a teenager with teenager capacity to learn new things - and life is short - and you have responsibilities of parenting - very high priority stuff. So forget about reaching ahead too far all at once. And in my opinion, you can step-back, see how the new keys work. Apply the Boyd strategy to many things: Observe, Orient, Decide, and Act, and digest, and process, and above all, it seems to me, maintain that balance, that "pursuit of happiness" in this "animated contest of freedom" while it exists as it exists. And to me, what you will find is improvement because you find ways to improve, and you no longer settle for less. Even if external things are overwhelming, at the very least, you find how to slow down the injury which is a relative improvement. And YOU control that which is in your power to control because you are now, at least, taking on those responsibilities, those responses that you are able to act out in fact.
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