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OK, will leave as is:
If there is a case where the writer prefers that the reader is beset with work to do in order to understand the writing, then this is that case. I prefer that the reader be left with some work to do, so my opinion is to leave it as written in this case.
In this case I don't think that the reader is beset with too much work to do while reading.
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I might like this sentence that you have created to replace the sentence we are discussing, what do you think?
I tried to say: Progress toward war is carefully monitored, accurately measured, meticulously documented, and factual.
in stead of:
Progress toward war is carefully monitored, a well documented FACT.
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On this new sentence you have written, I had been working while you were working and am not sure if you saw what I had finished with.
Old sentence:
If that exchange, documented fact, could be known precisely, exactly, each step of the way. If such an understanding, precise, accurate knowledge, the entire transaction, could be accountable as an inequitable transaction whereby Person A "made a killing" at the expense of another person living in China (perhaps a person his same age, a person who for now is on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick): there is accurate judgment in that case.
Your new sentence:
If that specific exchange could be known precisely as a documented fact, exactly each step of the way, completely understood from every conceivable angle, including Person A having "made a killing" at the expense of another person in China, then is there accurate judgment in that case, and could that case be measured as an equitable transaction, or is it by that measure another case of iniquity? The Chinese labor force is (temporarily) on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick. National Interest anyone?
and this is what I had come up with before seeing your new sentence:
If that exchange, that documented fact, could be known precisely, exactly, each step of the way; if such an understanding (precise, accurate knowledge, the entire transaction) could be accountable as an inequitable transaction whereby Person A "made a killing" at the expense of another person living in China (perhaps a person the same age, a person who for now is on the wrong end of the Legal Money Monopoly World Reserve Currency POWER stick); then there is accurate judgment in that case.
So, let me know what you like better and I will incorporate accordingly
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bear,
My wife stumbled upon a book during some cleaning, where the book was written by my friend's father who was a veteran of World War II, and if you think it is worth publishing that book, with some edit work on your part, then on your say so I will try to reconnect with my friend and ask for permission to move that book into the current stream.
I saw the pile of papers and considered the viability of turning that pile of papers into a book for sale, proceeds, if any, going to the publisher and the writers son, so I'm asking my favorite publisher if she is interested in more work that may not pay well.
Yes, I'd be happy to work with you on this effort. Pay or no pay, and I'd certainly want you to be paid as you are...the middle man...but will also be doing the actual work with the printer, right? Do you need help typing the pages?
I will count on you to help me with priorities.