 |
PM |  | |
Quote | | |
Reply | | |
Full Topic | |
| Joined: | |
| Location: | |
| Posts: | |
| Status: |
Offline
|
| Mana: |  |
Here is a start on editing. I want you to know that I have started. Here are the notes and the edited text:
First paragraph:
Added comma between: fast & but.
Started new sentence after: their pay instead
(I did this because the sentence is transitioning from a statement to a question.)
Started new sentence/removed: And
New Separated 2nd Paragraph:
Started a new paragraph: after liars (I did this to focus on the question that is asked I am assuming that the question you are referring to is the question following the statement, not the questions preceding the statement.)
Added colon: between alone & how (Also capitalized How)
Removed comma between: lies & and (because the comma is only needed in a list or between two independent clauses)
Italicized: we & we the people (for emphasis)
Replace comma with ellipse between: sun & who
Pending Collapse or Golden Opportunity?
News travels fast, but propaganda travels faster when the criminals take over. Such is our fate when Liberty is forsaken, dropped like an old shoe, in favor of investments in lies. When the liars who invent the best lies are given the opportunity to fix their own pay rate, they don’t, they raise their pay instead. How well does that work, and what can be expected from liars?
So the question is asked, and not by me alone: How much longer can the investors in lies and the investors in wars that are so good for the economy…how much longer can we, you know we, how much longer can we the people afford to keep on giving while the measurable benefits dry up, as the supply of ready victims are merely corpses rotting in the sun…who is going to be left to do the actual work?
-----------------
It is 11:30 here and I have to be up early and taxi again tomorrow. I am hoping for time in the morning in between locations to do some more editing work. I will try to finish ASAP.